...Is it a sin to have a friend?
I only have one friend... and I can't be with him everyday because he lives overseas. I don't know how he smells, his quirks, if he has a tic... nothing.
I many times envy him, because he is pretty lucky, as people always like him. Not like me.
What do I have on my face? Do I stink? What do I do wrong?
Why can't I have friends?
...
Why no one talks to me?
...That's why I hate myself so bad.
But for now, I cannot do anything, apart from feeling envious of him.
You're so lucky, having friends who always make stuff for you, and want to give you a reason for smiling.
1. What is your weirdest habit or bad habit, if you have one?
I grab my hair and rub my lips with it.
2. Are you happy with the age you are? Or do you wish to be older or younger?
No. I'm not happy. I want to be younger. Less responsibility.
3. What is one thing you always wanted to be when little? Has it changed now?
Vet. I am a Systems Engineering, I realized that I can't stand blood.
4. What kind of person do you think you are?
My friends say that I'm too good for my own sake. I sacrifice myself for the others. So that moves me to be unhappy and unlucky.
5. How is your mood mostly?
Down, but nobody has to know about it.
6. Do you like how you look?
No.
7. What do you enjoy doing mostly?
... Right now, difficult to say. I'm not enjoying anything recently.
YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Are you experienced in love or inexperienced?
In disaster? ...Yes, very experienced.
2. How many relationships have you had?
Two.
3. Do you feel you are lucky in love or unlucky?
Am I happy? If course I'm not lucky, DUH!
4. What is it mostly you like about a guy/girl? Is there anything you secretly like as well?
I just want to be loved. Honestly.
5. What attracts you to a guy/girl?
...That he/she cares about me.
6. What do you think of love itself?
It hurts.
7. If you are single, why do you feel that is? If you are taken, how good is your relationship?
...Pass.
YOUR LIFE
1. Do you have a job or still searching?
I quit to my actual job. Will search for a new one after a trip to Norway, if it can be done.
2. If you have a job are you happy with it?
No. That's why I quit.
3. How is your life at the moment?
Pretty bad.
4. Do you feel you want to change your life? Or are you happy with how your life is now?
I want to kill myself and reincarnate, to see if it can be different.
5. Is your life different now to how it used to be?
Yes, but fate and humans ruined it completely.
6. Do you feel overtime, you, yourself as a person has changed during your life?
...Pass.
7. What kind of life do you see for you in future?
If the dream comes true, happy. If not... I pretty doubt about a future.
RANDOM THINGS
1. What swear word do you say mostly?
"Hijueputa". That's "son of a bitch" contracted in my country.
2. Have you ever made up a funny word? If so what is it?
Zas. That was for anything, like a pun, lol.
3. What is the most random song you have on your media player / ipod / etc?
El Chiki Chiki
4. If you had to choose between a Knife / A Gun / A whip, which would you choose and why?
Gun, because I would kill myself quickly.
5. Would you change yourself for someone, just so they'd like you more?
I'm tired of doing it, just for receiving shit.
6. Pick one. Batman / Spiderman / Superman?
Batman. He is smart. Not like me.
7. Now, tag a few people...in alphabetical order by their DA names!
... This is blogger.
I grab my hair and rub my lips with it.
2. Are you happy with the age you are? Or do you wish to be older or younger?
No. I'm not happy. I want to be younger. Less responsibility.
3. What is one thing you always wanted to be when little? Has it changed now?
Vet. I am a Systems Engineering, I realized that I can't stand blood.
4. What kind of person do you think you are?
My friends say that I'm too good for my own sake. I sacrifice myself for the others. So that moves me to be unhappy and unlucky.
5. How is your mood mostly?
Down, but nobody has to know about it.
6. Do you like how you look?
No.
7. What do you enjoy doing mostly?
... Right now, difficult to say. I'm not enjoying anything recently.
YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Are you experienced in love or inexperienced?
In disaster? ...Yes, very experienced.
2. How many relationships have you had?
Two.
3. Do you feel you are lucky in love or unlucky?
Am I happy? If course I'm not lucky, DUH!
4. What is it mostly you like about a guy/girl? Is there anything you secretly like as well?
I just want to be loved. Honestly.
5. What attracts you to a guy/girl?
...That he/she cares about me.
6. What do you think of love itself?
It hurts.
7. If you are single, why do you feel that is? If you are taken, how good is your relationship?
...Pass.
YOUR LIFE
1. Do you have a job or still searching?
I quit to my actual job. Will search for a new one after a trip to Norway, if it can be done.
2. If you have a job are you happy with it?
No. That's why I quit.
3. How is your life at the moment?
Pretty bad.
4. Do you feel you want to change your life? Or are you happy with how your life is now?
I want to kill myself and reincarnate, to see if it can be different.
5. Is your life different now to how it used to be?
Yes, but fate and humans ruined it completely.
6. Do you feel overtime, you, yourself as a person has changed during your life?
...Pass.
7. What kind of life do you see for you in future?
If the dream comes true, happy. If not... I pretty doubt about a future.
RANDOM THINGS
1. What swear word do you say mostly?
"Hijueputa". That's "son of a bitch" contracted in my country.
2. Have you ever made up a funny word? If so what is it?
Zas. That was for anything, like a pun, lol.
3. What is the most random song you have on your media player / ipod / etc?
El Chiki Chiki
4. If you had to choose between a Knife / A Gun / A whip, which would you choose and why?
Gun, because I would kill myself quickly.
5. Would you change yourself for someone, just so they'd like you more?
I'm tired of doing it, just for receiving shit.
6. Pick one. Batman / Spiderman / Superman?
Batman. He is smart. Not like me.
7. Now, tag a few people...in alphabetical order by their DA names!
... This is blogger.
... when you lose the ability to interact with people?
I feel it.
I can't meet new people. And I see how everyone does it. And they are always happy with it.
I feel envious, and that makes me even a worse person.
I know.
I'm disgusting like that.
Why do I have to be like that? Like this!?
Why...? Do I keep stealing other's oxygen, knowing that is now too difficult to have fresh air...?
Somehow I want to put an end to this crap.
But I'm even too coward for doing it.
Forgive me, Earth but...
Sometime you'll be saved from this filthy human.
I feel it.
I can't meet new people. And I see how everyone does it. And they are always happy with it.
I feel envious, and that makes me even a worse person.
I know.
I'm disgusting like that.
Why do I have to be like that? Like this!?
Why...? Do I keep stealing other's oxygen, knowing that is now too difficult to have fresh air...?
Somehow I want to put an end to this crap.
But I'm even too coward for doing it.
Forgive me, Earth but...
Sometime you'll be saved from this filthy human.
When you are down...
... You don't really want people close, but you are perfectly aware that you need the other's company.
And what makes you feel even worse, is the fact that everything seems so right for everyone else but for you.
That was my lesson for today, as everyone in this step really feels less than a filthy bug.
Good thing is, that some bugs end up turning into beautiful butterflies.
But other group of bugs are ugly and rejected, even when they are mature. Normally those die as quickly as the beautiful. The difference is, that nobody will miss you.
And I'm feeling right now on that group.
Nobody will miss me, I am pretty sure of that.
... You don't really want people close, but you are perfectly aware that you need the other's company.
And what makes you feel even worse, is the fact that everything seems so right for everyone else but for you.
That was my lesson for today, as everyone in this step really feels less than a filthy bug.
Good thing is, that some bugs end up turning into beautiful butterflies.
But other group of bugs are ugly and rejected, even when they are mature. Normally those die as quickly as the beautiful. The difference is, that nobody will miss you.
And I'm feeling right now on that group.
Nobody will miss me, I am pretty sure of that.
...When you're in jail, you see who are the real friends.
Not like those who yell at the four winds "I LOVE YOU" and then just turns their backs at you and call you "Crazy" or "Stupid".
Not like those who tell everyone that they are your friends and when in need, they just ignore you.
Not like the ones who had the pointing finger to show all the bad things you have, and not help you to improve.
Not like the ones that doesn't move a muscle when you're drowning.
Not like those who instead of helping, help you to get drown faster.
I've seen all of those kinds... I've been hit by all of them.
I feel like I'm in jail.
And no one pays me a visit.
I'm just like any other prisoner.
And they are letting me to get rotten. Just as any other.
Am I guilty?
Of what?
It's in me to realize that, but I already know, that my first crime, was to see the light of the sun when I was born.
Not like those who yell at the four winds "I LOVE YOU" and then just turns their backs at you and call you "Crazy" or "Stupid".
Not like those who tell everyone that they are your friends and when in need, they just ignore you.
Not like the ones who had the pointing finger to show all the bad things you have, and not help you to improve.
Not like the ones that doesn't move a muscle when you're drowning.
Not like those who instead of helping, help you to get drown faster.
I've seen all of those kinds... I've been hit by all of them.
I feel like I'm in jail.
And no one pays me a visit.
I'm just like any other prisoner.
And they are letting me to get rotten. Just as any other.
Am I guilty?
Of what?
It's in me to realize that, but I already know, that my first crime, was to see the light of the sun when I was born.
Down...
Deep...
Deep down.
That's where I am.
In the darkness, bleeding.
My back hurts. Really bad.
That's how I know that I am in this world.
Alive.
Sadly, alive.
I cry for help. Desperately. Each day, every minute. A loud sob, a loud scream...
But no one listens.
I move my hands, trying to see the light, watching how the people passes by, on their own universe, minding their own business.
I want to try and flap my wings, but only cries of pain escape through my mouth.
Then I turn my head, just to find...
...That I lost my wings.
I cannot fly out of the well. I cannot be free.
Can someone help me...?
Anyone?
Deep...
Deep down.
That's where I am.
In the darkness, bleeding.
My back hurts. Really bad.
That's how I know that I am in this world.
Alive.
Sadly, alive.
I cry for help. Desperately. Each day, every minute. A loud sob, a loud scream...
But no one listens.
I move my hands, trying to see the light, watching how the people passes by, on their own universe, minding their own business.
I want to try and flap my wings, but only cries of pain escape through my mouth.
Then I turn my head, just to find...
...That I lost my wings.
I cannot fly out of the well. I cannot be free.
Can someone help me...?
Anyone?
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